Alone

What makes someone alone? Is it the simple act of being in a room without having a living being to talk to face to face? Perhaps you are not alone, if there are thousands of people on the internet you can speak to. Is being alone being able to have long deliberate conversations with people you hate, but only being able to spare a few harsh words for the people you really love?

When I am alone? At night when it is dark in the room, and the only comfort I have is the tiny bulb of an led on a 3 yr old Nokia cell phone? Am I less alone if I would embrace the darkness, so I could be one with it, or do I have more friendship with the light that seperates us from nothingness, even if it is only a faint glimmer. Being with that light is more fearful because it casts shadows on all of the unknown around me, distorting them into things that my mind can not comprehend and forces it into an antisocial panic. If I would just let that light burn out, my eyes would adjust and I could see my surroundings and have no need to fear.

Love opens up my heart to new experiences and feelings. However it can easily be killed by disinterest, video games, stress. I miss out on the greatness my life could really be, but my life is so empty without the things I cherish. I miss my house, my beautiful wife. I find myself surrounded by strangers, and cold empty lives that are only comforted by hunger and remembrances of better times in the past. Sobriety is a drug that poisons your mind with reality.

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